Fifteen Pairings
by Ichireiro
Summary: Fifteen different pairings from various Kevin Smith films. Slash. Ratings vary.
1. As Planned

Fifteen Pairings

**Set: **Somewhere during and before Clerks.

**Pairing: **Dante/Randal

**Inspired by the lines: **"[About Dante, said by Randal] He was mine first." and "[After Dante choked him] It's kind of hard to swallow."

**Title: **As Planned

Veronica had asked him how many women he had slept with before they had gotten together. He had been honest with her, so why was his conscious getting to him? It wasn't _his _fault that she didn't ask about how many _men _he had slept with. Then again, in Veronica's terms, blow jobs didn't count as actual sex, so that one time with Randal didn't count either, right?

It wasn't like that one time had even lasted that long. They had both had been completely wasted, and the alcohol in their systems had destroyed any rational thought. With their heads void of thoughts—though Randal had days where he didn't act like he had any thoughts going on in there even without alcohol running through his veins—they could only _feel_, and feel they did.

It was years ago, way back when they were still in high school, but Dante still considered the blow job that Randal had given him one of the best ones that he had received in his life. It didn't last long—_Dante _didn't last long—but that was probably because of how _good _it had felt. Well, either that or because of how much alcohol Dante had consumed; Caitlin had cheated on him again, and he had needed to binge drink.

Randal, _Randal _for fucks sake, had been so good at sucking him off, Dante had to wonder if he had done it to someone before. It wouldn't surprise him. Randal probably tried to sleep with more people in a month than Caitlin did, and **that **was saying something.

The day after was a bit awkward for him, but Randal seemed like it didn't phase him at all. It probably hadn't, Dante had later realized. As close as they were, he probably shouldn't have been surprised as he was that it had happened. Hell, Randal had probably expected for them to full around during their friendship eventually. He wouldn't put it past him, especially with how relaxed he had been with the subject the next day.

Randal had teased him for finishing as fast as he had along with the fact that he had passed out before he could return the favor. Not that he would have, of course. Dante Hicks did not suck dick. Not even his best friend's dick. Not even his best friend's dick while he was _drunk._

Of course, as he later realized (once _again_) later that night, nothing ever went as he planned.


	2. Stink Palm

Fifteen Pairings

**Note: **Ignore the ending to Mallrats.

**Pairing: **T.S./Brodie

**Title: **Stink Palm

Brodie had thought that being with a guy would have been easier than with a woman. Men tend to be less maintenance, they don't bitch as much, they don't try to make you take them out on _dates. _He had thought that being with T.S. would be easier than being with Rene had ever been.

Brodie, not for the first time in his life, had been wrong.

Rene had dumped him—once again—around the same time that Brandi and T.S. had their _real _final break up. T.S. had tried to get back together with her, but it was too late; she was already dating that Gill Hicks guy by the time T.S. had decided to get her back. Personally, Brodie had been glad, even though he wouldn't admit it to T.S. He had liked Brandi, sure, but after Rene dumped him, he needed a friend to hang out with. He had considered Jay and Silent Bob for a while, but then Brandi dumped T.S.'s ass. It seemed like perfect timing.

They had moped about for a while. They would go to the mall, T.S. would whine, Brodie would pretend that he didn't miss his girlfriend. With nothing better to do after class ended, T.S. would hang around him more than when he had a girlfriend to keep him occupied. Eventually though, they came to the mutual understanding that though they (T.S. only, Brodie amended) were acting like pussies, they were human, and people need contact with other people.

Instead of going out and looking for girls like other boys their age would do, they decided to just full around with each other. Brodie didn't want to waste time with another relationship—he had games to beat, comics to read—and T.S. wasn't ready for one. In the end, just like Brandi's timing, it had been perfect. They didn't even have to sneak around and pretend T.S. wasn't in the house like Brodie had with Rene because his mother, who did not nor would she ever know the truth of their relationship, already knew and liked T.S.

T.S. was a pain in the ass to deal with sometimes. You would think that someone who had known you for years would understand that when you don't want to have sex, you don't _want _to have sex. But no, that didn't matter. T.S. would whine until he got what he wanted, sex included. Hell, that even included the occasional _date. _Not like you could really call going out and surfing the mall a date, but it was perfect to Brodie.

Still, despite his few annoying personality traits, T.S. was better than any chick he had ever been with. The few times that Brodie could be bothered to have sex had been better than with a girl because T.S. was a guy, and who knew a guy's body better than another guy? Well, Tricia Jones maybe, but that was about it.

T.S. also didn't demand for Brodie to be romantic like Rene did, but that could have had something to do with the fact that T.S. had it in his head that _he _was the man in the relationship so _he _had to be romantic. At least Brodie didn't get nagged at for not planning more dates. Something else that Brodie considered good _did _come from T.S. thinking he was the man in the relationship, and it was probably the most important thing of all; T.S. was the one in the big spoon position so Brodie didn't have to wonder about where his free arm had to go.

Maybe it wasn't the gender that made things better though. Maybe it was just because it was _T.S., _and T.S. had always been his best friend, had always _understood _him to a degree most people couldn't.

Either way, Brodie decided, Brandi better not come back one day looking to make their "final" breakup as fake as the others. He liked the girl, and he would hate to have to stink palm her.


End file.
